Just in time for VALENTINE'S DAY, I present to you the stereotypes of HUNGARIAN and HUNGARIAN-AMERICAN MEN. This is just in case you are considering love and romance with such a person! (Those of you already in the love and romance already know!)
1) THEY ALL WEAR MUSTACHES, and even spend a lot of time grooming their mustaches. You should be prepared to be tickled or abraded with the mustache when you kiss him. So you can never lie to anyone and claim you were not making out. Prepare to be abraded - unless he is one to groom the ends into points using wax, in which case, you may find that one of the ends of the mustache goes up into your nose when you make out!
2) THEY ALL READ OR WRITE POETRY as a way of seducing you. Beware the Hungarian or Hungarian-American who shows up at street poetry slams or tries to RAP in the Hungarian language!
You may need a translator, but ask yourself this. What is the SUBJECT of the POEM? IS IT ME?
3) ONCE A YEAR IN SPRING THEY FEEL COMPELLED TO SPRINKLE YOU WITH CHEAP PERFUME. Don't get this cheap perfume confused with the real, expensive perfume you actually want as a gift for Valentines Day or your Birthday, the subtle scent that you use only one drop of, in the crook of your elbow!
4) THE MEN ARE ONLY A COUPLE GENERATIONS FROM WEARING DRESSES. Do not automatically think of him as a cross-dresser if he shows up in one.
5) HE'S NOT BI-POLAR it's JUST THAT HIS MOOD GOES UP AND DOWN. Particularly if you refuse to say you love him frequently. He will be disappointed if the card you give him for Valentine's Day isn't mushy. (This attitude apparently began after the nobility stopped arranging marriages and began to marry for love!)
6) IF HE IS THE ONE PURSUING YOU, HE REALLY MIGHT CONSIDER SUICIDE if your romance DOESN'T TURN INTO TRUE LOVE AND MARRIAGE! (Buy him one of those sun lamps sold to combat seasonal depression. Remember the lost homeland of the Hungarians must have been a sunny place and now they are forced to live in the cold, damp, foggy, and dark.) (You Vixens out there should know that a Hungarian man will rarely turn down a woman who is after him but, he may not ask her out!)
7) YOU GET TO DOMINATE HIM IN THE HOME, just make a show of rushing around to serve him beer when his friends show up to watch soccer or football! Also, if he decides to sit under a tree with some Slovak men to watch the clouds in the sky and let the women do all the work, remember matriarchy!
8) LET HIS MOTHER SHOW YOU HOW TO COOK HIS FAVORITE RECIPE, but don't actually ever try to make that meal for him when the two of you are home alone, until she is dead. (Never ever make a show of showing up his mother as a cook! You will never ever get that stuffed cabbage in the slow cooker recipe right!)
9) HE MAY HAVE ADVENTURES BUT HE ALWAYS MARRIES THE HOME TOWN GIRL!
(Even if she becomes the town spinster while waiting.) Seriously good news, it just takes going to the same school to be a home town girl!
10) NOBODY ACTUALLY HAS SEX TO HAVE BABIES. Where do you think STORKS come from? Poland? WHY DO YOU THINK THERE ARE STORKS NESTING ON HUNGARIAN CHIMNEYS? All that public passion is just for show, to fool people.
ARE YOU LAUGHING YET?
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